She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
