should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you had me at cake vodka
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
True strength comes from lack of pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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