So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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