Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
