and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
