operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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