all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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