I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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