I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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