Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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