yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
