Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
