I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
