Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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