He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
