im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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