no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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