Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
