Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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