I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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