She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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