I wish you could order shots online.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
