operation have a gay friend backfired
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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