dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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