saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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