She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
