It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
