I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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