im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize