The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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