The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i now understand why vodka
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize