I think I died a long time ago.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize