Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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