I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
