happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
false alarm. still invincible.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
