i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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