I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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