The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've blown a few things in my day
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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