my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
