I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
