my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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