last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
