im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
