two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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