So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
