Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
