I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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