just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
two words...techno handjob
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i think im in europe. pls send help
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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