My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i now understand why vodka
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
