If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
