I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
