Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
