Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
