I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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