Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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