I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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