look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
