just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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