He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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