Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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