I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Vodka?
Forever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
