So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
