Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
