I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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