we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
